All religions, philosophers and psychologists agree that human beings are in search of happiness. The ways and means may differ from person to person, but the end goal (to be happy) is the same for everyone on the planet.
So why can't we satisfy our desire for happiness?
We see our futures ourselves much like our children: we spend our days planning and building our future in a way that makes them happy.
In fact, whenever we want something (a promotion, a wedding, a car), we expect that the person that we are going to become in a day, a month or a year, will be ecstatic by the choices we make. have done today for her.
We expect absolute gratitude and recognition from him, for all the efforts and sacrifices we have made for his good.
In fact, as each of us has had the opportunity to verify in our lives, very often our future ourselves behaves like the most rebellious of teenagers.
The gratitude and gratitude that we expect is often replaced by criticism (see annoyance) for the choice we have made with so much dedication.
How is it possible that we make such big mistakes when we try to anticipate the tastes, needs and wants of the person we should know best - ourselves?
In his book "And if happiness fell on you", Daniel Gilbert (psychologist and professor at Harvard) tries to explain the origin of this inability to anticipate our desires in the future, and suggests some ways to reduce these mistakes. anticipation.
Thanks to the results of a series of scientific experiments, the author shows that our brains systematically fall into 3 traps that explain the difficulty in projecting themselves into the future.
1. Realism
The first flaw, which we can define as realism, consists in the fact that our brain, when imagining something, cannot help filling the imagined thing with lots of details. All of these details don't really need to be, and what's more, we don't notice this filling.
For example: if I asked you how much you are going to enjoy a plate of pasta tomorrow, what would you say to me?
Regardless of your answer, yes or no, it will be based on lots of details that your brain has fabricated in a few moments, without you realizing it. And those details were completely missing from the question.
You've imagined your favorite sauce on your pasta: bolognese, or pesto. You also imagined the setting for this meal: a romantic dinner in an Italian restaurant that you like, pleasant music that accompanies a very pleasant discussion. Or, a family dinner with all your children next to you.
Well your brain can't help but imagine all those details that have nothing to do with the original question, but which greatly influence your appreciation of your future happiness. And this without you realizing.
If for example you have this pasta delivered to your workplace for an evening at the office until late, after a stressful day, to move forward on a project you don't like and in the company of a colleague you still love less, if it was cheese pasta that you hate, probably the experience you are going to have will be very different from what you imagined following my question.
When we imagine our future, we cannot avoid filling it with details that influence our choices, without being aware of it.
2. Presentism
The 2nd bias in our evaluation skills corresponds to "presentism", that is to say the tendency to project our present into the future. This means that the details used by our imaginations to enrich anticipation of the future are details borrowed from the present.
That's why when we project our lives into the future, it is very complicated to move away from our current situation.
For example, if I take the example of pasta from earlier, your ability to correctly anticipate how much you will enjoy it tomorrow will be greatly influenced by a factor of the present that risks putting you off track: it is how full your stomach is right now.
If you've just finished a big family meal and ate a lot, your full stomach will greatly undervalue the satisfaction of a good plate of pasta tomorrow. You are already having trouble digesting what you have just eaten !!
Otherwise, if you are very hungry, the thought of being able to eat pasta will seem like an exquisite experience!
More generally, our anticipations about our future life are very dependent on the emotions and our state of mind present (if we are sad, angry, or on the contrary happy and relaxed).
As with the previous flaw, the big part of the problem is that we completely ignore the existence of these mechanisms, and we do not take this into account in our judgment.
When we think about our future and try to anticipate our emotions, we are totally oblivious to the influence of our current emotions.
3. Rationationsation
The 3rd flaw is rationalization, which is the brain's natural tendency to seek explanations for what surrounds us. When it comes to anticipating the future, this tendency further distorts our perception for the sake of perspective.
Our brains find it hard to understand that things that are distant in time can look different from the same things up close.
This problem does not exist in space, where understanding perspective is very natural to us. We have no problem understanding that when we look at a person, car or house from a distance, it will look very different to us than when we are next to it.
The size will be very different, a lot of detail will be missing. But that doesn't stop us from anticipating pretty well what we're going to see once we get closer.
In the time domain, on the other hand, the brain fails to do this work of anticipation properly. Very often, from a distance, we exaggerate the scale and impact of imagined events, both positive and negative, on our happiness.
On the negative side, our brains will exaggerate the consequences of a difficult and painful situation we are facing. In reality, once the moment is right, we will react much better than we anticipated and the picture will not be as gloomy as we imagined.
Likewise, on the positive side, our brains will exaggerate the hoped-for happiness of an event we want. When the time is right, our emotions will be less ecstatic than we anticipated.
You are probably wondering: what is the use of knowing these three brain biases?
It's very simple: it lets you know that relying on your imagination to understand the consequences of a choice on your future happiness is a very vague strategy.
It's very simple: it lets you know that relying on your imagination to understand the consequences of a choice on your future happiness is a very vague strategy.
The solution
Fortunately, the solution to all these evaluation errors exists, and you can apply it right away. How can you accurately predict your moods if you make such and such a choice, if you are going to live in Paris or in the countryside, if you decide to become doctors or accountants?
Well, just observe how people are doing who have already made these same choices.
Several studies show that relying on the experience of others to anticipate your own reaction to a situation can achieve much better accuracy than relying on your own assessment.
But beware: you will encounter several internal brakes when applying this solution!
We all feel that we are different from others, that we are in some way unique. We have our own convictions, our preferences, our personality.
Although many scientific studies prove the contrary, we are convinced that we are in the best position to predict our happiness in such and such a situation, and that the opinion of others, although useful, will not be as precise as our own judgment.
Even after discovering the solution to our mistakes, we will most likely choose to perpetuate the 3 faults that Daniel Gilbert presents to us.
We will continue to poorly anticipate the future effects of a choice or situation because of the influence of the additional details added in an unconscious way, of our emotions and our current state of mind, and of the amplification, in positive. or negative, of our reaction
In this case, happiness will continue to fall on us, unexpectedly ...
Are you surprised at the influence of these factors on your anticipation of the future?
How do you avoid the risk of being disappointed with your choices? Leave a comment below.